Renato Magliocco: 01/01/2007

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Two scumbag sluts walk into Brown Thomas they stroll upto the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Tracey sprays it on her wrist and smells it: 'Dat's fukin nice innit, don't you tink Jacinta?'....'Yeah,what's it bleedin called?'. 'Viens a moi' 'VIENS A MOI, what the fuk does that mean? At this stage the assistant offers some help. 'Viens a moi, ladies, is French for "come to me". Sharon, takes another sniff and offers her arm to Jacinta again saying, "That doesn't smell like cum to me, does that smell like cum to you?"...........
What's the most confusing day of the year for a Scumbag? Fathers Day!
How do you start an argument with a Scumbag? Speak!
What do you call a Scumbag in a tastfully decorated house? The burglar!
Why are Scumbags like slinkies? They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.
What do you call a female Scumbag in a white tracksuit? The bride.
What do you say to a Scumbag at work? Can I have a big mac please?
How do you identify the bride at a Scumbag wedding? She is the most pregnant one.
What do Scumbags use as protection during sex? A bus shelter!

We were talking about the maddest things you did as a kid, some very funny & cruel ones came in... here's the top 10!

10) As my brother cycled around me I stuck a stick in the spokes of his wheels and watched as he somersaulted!
9) Me and my brother were arguing who got the front seat in the car. He got in before me and started laughing so I closed the door on his fingers... who's laughing now I said - From Harry
8) I used to climb into the back yard of a shop and nick the empty lemonade bottles then bring them back the next day and get 10p each for them! - Colin

7) I hit my big brother in the wrist with a hammer and to this day he has a lump on it... I also kicked him in the face with a bootskate and stabbed him with a fork. - Elaine
6)I put armbands on my ankles thinking that I could walk on water... Flipped upside down and nearly drowned...
5) I once superglued my friends eyelashes to just below her eye while she was staying at my house... it took ages to get them off and I felt really bad after! - Louisa in Rathmines
4) When I was about 4 I washed my gran's cat in jif - he was found 3 days later as stiff as a poker, poisened from trying to lick the jif off hm! I'm going to hell!
3) I sabotaged my brothers crutches when he had a broken leg and was in plaster, I pushed in the clips on the crutch while he was in the loo, when he came out he went to walk down the stairs but his crutches collapsed and he fell down the stairs and re-broke the same leg.. not what I had planned! - Paul in Greenhills
2) When I was little my dad just got a brand new car so I decided to show him how much I love him and get a rock and scrape a picture of me and him into the car and the words I love you... ha ha he was like thats lovely dear but not on daddys car! - From Jenny
1)I sucked some milk from my pet Dalmation along with 6 other pups to see what all the fuss was about! 6 years of age it came out as part of the best mans speech at my wedding... major embarrassment! - Don in Lucan